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Comedy @ Callcenter

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS ARE PAID SO MUCH......
FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:

1) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

3) Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.
"Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..."

4) Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$

5) Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."

7) Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

8) Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

9) Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."

10) Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion

11)Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

12) Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

13) Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to printdocument, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

14) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"---

15) Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

16) A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that hisComputer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup andit will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech isfrustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there isan undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes. 10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sureCCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Thought for the Day - Failure to Success

HOW TO CONVERT YOUR FAILURES INTO SUCCESS

Success or failure in a certain mission is nothing but a result of some of our own actions. Actions are preceded by a series of thoughts. Everything boils down to a thought. Thoughts shape our character and our persona visualized by the world. We ARE what we think. The consequence of each thought is an action or another thought. EVERY single thought contributes to shape our future. Our thoughts and their consequences deliver us bad or good results, failure or success. Consider that each thought is like a stroke of hammer of a sculpture artist, expressed and manifested in our words and acts. You are constantly creating your potential happiness or sadness by your very thoughts. The worst enemy of a human being is one's own negative thoughts. You can learn to train your mind to think positively and create thoughts based on a fresh, neutral, focused and honest approach. If you practice it for some time, you will notice that something divine is happening to you and all your actions produced by such thoughts are giving you pleasure, happiness and success. THINK positive, be good to yourself, and listen to your internal voice and when you act upon these natural and energetic thoughts - you will only get good results.


Regards
RK
"Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean"

Thought for the Day - Optimism

Thought for the Day

OPTIMISM

This could be a great note for all to read it will take just 60 second to read this and may change your thinking.....!!!

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those on-hour periods where his would would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour of the rainbow.
Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band-he could see it - in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and alter making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it for himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased room-mate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
EPILOGUE : THERE IS TREMENDOUS HAPPINESS IN MAKING OTHERS HAPPY, DESPITE OUR OWN SITUATIONS. SHARED GRIEF IS HALF THE SORROW, BUT HAPPINESS WHEN SHARED, IS DOUBLED. IF YOU WANT TO FEEL RICH, JUST COUNT ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY.

"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present"

Regards
RK
"Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean"

QOTD

Quote of the Day:
In most things success depends on knowing how long it takes to succeed. - Charles Montesquieu
Regards
RK 

Collaboration tools revisited

THIS EDITION of NetSpeak discusses a couple of free web-based collaboration tools.
A hallmark of the Net is the availability of a wide array of collaborative tools.
We have come across tools for sharing files/folders (like e-snips), conducting audio/video conferences (like Skype/gtalk) and for collaborative writing (like Jotlive - http://www.jotlive.com//Writely -http://www. writely.com/). A few more innovative collaboration tools are discussed here.

Remote meeting tool
Assume that you and a few of your colleagues want to discuss a project from different geographical locations. For this, you need to exchange messages, transfer files and jointly write on a shared board.
Tools like Skype will come in handy for many of these tasks. But Skype or other IM/Net telephony tools do not provide a shared board where all the participants can simultaneously draw/write.
The on-line meeting tool Vyew (http://vyew.com/) assumes significance in this context. Vyew helps you start an on-line meeting session where you can invite up to twenty participants.
The service provides a sharable whiteboard where each participant can write/draw in real-time. When a participant writes on the whiteboard it will automatically be accessible to the others. Besides the whiteboard feature, Vyew provides facilities such as chat, storage space (20 MB) to upload files and so on.
Another feature of this innovative service is the shared Google search. Using the `Google Search' box integrated with the service, you can conduct a Google search, which can be viewed by other conference members in real-time.
This will be useful if you want to provide some search tips to your collaborators.
To use this free easy-to-use web based service, you need not download any software. Just go through the registration process and click on the `Start Meeting' button.

Conference management
Anyone who has ever organised a conference or seminar will be aware of the travails in the process. The coordinator of an academic conference has to monitor submission of abstracts, assign reviewers for each of the submitted papers, inform the participants about the status of his or her paper and so on.
Obviously, this complicated process presents a formidable challenge to a conference organiser.
One solution is to create an automation system that can perform the different conference management tasks.
The open source, conference management tool, OpenConf (http://www.zakongroup.com/technology/openconf.shtml), is a good product worth a try.
OpenConf software provides facilities for automating various aspects of a conference. The system allows a participant to register and submit abstract/paper with her browser. The software provides total control of the system to the course coordinator, who gets facilities for creating topics, assigning reviewers and interfering with the programme schedule of the conference at will.
This conference management package is built on PHP/MySQL and to implement the system you need access to a web server with PHP/MySQL support.
For a demo of the software, access: http://www.zakongroup./ com/technology/openconf2/open conf. php.

Drawing tool
The Windows Paint program lets you draw simple pictures. Similar to the paint software, the web based drawing tool `Imagination Cubed' (http://www.imaginationcubed.com/LaunchPage) allows you to draw pictures from anywhere on the Web. Also, while experimenting with your artistic skills, you can invite your friends to join you. The service permits you to save the drawing and e-mail it to others. For a demo, check out: http://tinyurl.com/amzqb.

Skyfex: A remote assistant
While using your PC, at times, you may come across software bugs that cannot be easily communicated/explained to your helpdesk or system administrator. If you can show the expert the screen shot of your desktop when an error occurs (instead of an oral description of the same), the expert will be able to offer you appropriate advice without much hassle. The free Windows-only on-line service SkyFex is designed with this purpose in mind.
Skyfex (http://www.skyfexfree.com/) helps a registered user (expert) capture your desktop with your consent. For this, first you have to access the service as client (by clicking on the `Get Assistance' button). When you access the SkyFex as a client, it will display a client ID. Using this client ID, your administrator or helpdesk can capture your desktop by logging-in as `Expert'. A simple tool, if you want to monitor the activities on a remote machine.

On-line chatroom
Want to float a chat room for your favourite subject instantaneously without incurring any cost? Access Ajax Chat, a free chat generation service. To create a chatroom, just visit the service (http://www.ajchat.com/, type in the name of your chatroom and click on the `Enter' button. The chatroom created thus can be accessed directly with its link. For instance, if the name of the chatroom is `netspeak', you can access it at: http://www.ajchat.com/chat/ netspeak.

Mouse-less browsing
As mentioned in the past, if you use the keyboard more often than the mouse, you can speed up the work and avoid inflicting pain on your wrist. In this regard, check out the piece on `Mouse-less Firefox' (http://www.lifehacker.com/software/feature/hack-attack-mouseless-firefox-139495.php) that describes several useful keyboard shortcuts for browsing with Firefox. Caret-browsing shortcut `F7' and `Find as you type text' shortcut `/' are some of the useful shortcuts noticed by this author.

Folder size
Though Windows Explorer (with the `Details' view option enabled) displays the size of the files in a folder, while you browse a drive, it does not show the size of the folders. Obviously, the folder size information will be helpful while managing the disk space.
The free utility `Folder Size' (http://foldersize.sourceforge.net/) can be used to add this feature to Windows Explorer. After installing the program, you need to enable the `Folder Size' option by right clicking on the `Column' header.

J. MURALI
He can be contacted at: jmurali@gmail.com

Courtesy:
http://www.hindu.com/biz/2006/02/20/stories/2006022000621600.htm

Regards
RK
"Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean"

Some FAQ on birdflu

There have been suspected cases of Bird Flu reported a few days back in Nandurbar distt of Maharashtra, India. Though the flu is restricted to fowl so far and there have been no reported cases of the disease having spread to humans, I would like you all to be aware of the disease and its spread. Please see the following info on Bird Flu. I will keep you posted on any other information as it becomes available.

Some FAQ:

a) Can we eat chicken/ eggs?
Yes, provided it is cooked at min 70 degree centigrade. Cooking kills the avian influenza virus quickly (within seconds of reaching 70oC), making it safe.
b) How does it spread?
Main risks are : live birds; animal or bird cages; contaminated feed; footwear contaminated by faeces; clothing or vehicles that have been recently in contact with infected poultry.
c) Does killing poultry help?
Yes. It prevents the virus leaving a contaminated farm.
d) How can I protect myself?
Use soap. The virus is sensitive to detergent and easier to destroy than other viruses. Don't wash just with water after coming in contact with infected birds; the virus survives plain water washing.

For more information please follow the link:

http://www.birdflu.org.cn/faqs.php


Regards
RK
"Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean"

QOTD

Quote of the Day:
A man to carry on a successful business must have imagination. He must see things as in a vision, a dream of the whole thing. - Charles M. Schwab

Regards
RK 

Biscuit maker's Love letter

A biscuit maker writes love letter to his girlfriend.....

Dear MARIE,
Yesterday was a very GOOD-DAY....
Our meeting was truely NICE....
But the chance of success of our love is 50-50....
Becoz your father is a TIGER....
Will u give ur LITTLE HEART to me, otherwise i will become a KRACK JACK

Regards RK

Friendship Thoughts

Regards
RK

V'day is not Just for Lovers...!!!!

Regards
RK

QOTD

Quote of the Day:
Success is that old ABC - ability, breaks, and courage. - Charles Luckman


Regards
RK 

A Lesson From History

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a m! oment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful,! why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

So, next time someone starts to spread gossip, think of this....

Regards
RK
"Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean"

QOTD

Quote of the Day
Failures, repeated failures, are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails forward toward success. - Charles F. Kettering



Regards
RK 

Ramanujam's proof....!!

Can U Prove 3=2 ??

This seems to be an anomaly or whatever u call in mathematics.
It seems, Ramanujam found it but never disclosed it during his life time and that it has been found from his diary.
See this illustration:
-6 = -6
9-15 = 4-10
adding 25/4 to both sides:
9-15+(25/4) = 4-10+(25/4 )
Changing the order
9+(25/4)-15 = 4+(25/4)-10
(this is just like : a square + b square - two a b = (a-b)square.)
Here a = 3, b=5/2 for L.H.S and a =2, b=5/2 for R.H.S.
So it can be expressed as follows:
(3-5/2)(3-5/2) = (2-5/2)(2-5/2)
Taking positive square root on both sides:
3 - 5/2 = 2 - 5/2
3 = 2 ????????

Can u find any flaws??

Regards
RK
"Known is a drop, unknown is an ocean"

QOTD

Quote of the Day:
Nature gives to every time and season some beauties of its own; and from morning to night, as from the cradle to the grave, it is but a succession of changes so gentle and easy that we can scarcely mark their progress. - Charles Dickens


Regards
RK 

Thought for Valentine's Day

Based on Swami Vivekananda's thoughts On Love

I would like to share something on the 'nature of love' I once had a friend
who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a
swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with a little water and held
it before me, and said this, "You see this water carefully contained on my
hand? it symbolizes Love."
As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it
will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers around
it and try to possess it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try
to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling
out of your hand, Love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are
people you love, allow them to be free beings. Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order. Ask, but never demand. It might sound simple, but
it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret
to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations
from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring.


To be loved is Something, But To love and to be loved is Everything......!!!

Have a great day and be happy.....

Regards
RK

Quote of the Day:
Success generally depends upon knowing how long it takes to succeed. - Charles de Montesquieu
Regards
RK 

Have Fun...
RK 

Attitude

 

Quote of the Day:
The road to success is not to be run upon by seven leagued boots.
Step by step, little by little, bit by bit - that is the way to wealth, that is the way to wisdom, that is the way to glory. - Charles Buxton

Regards
RK